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A Southerner’s Back-to-School Pep Talk

Back in my day, we had 3 months of summer break. So, when I say, “I can’t believe it’s time to go back to school, already” I really can’t! It’s so hot in August. Summer is not over. And worst of all, there’s still plenty of daylight left for swimming, kite-flying and bike-riding.

water pad

But, mommas everywhere are getting their ducks in a row, making their school lists and preparing their little darlins for the school bell. Here are a few southern sayings to help with the task.

Back to School Tips for Southerners

  1. To prepare for “school time,” two weeks before the first day, go to bed with the chickens and get up with the cows.Mosquito Netting
  2. Wake up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. evil bunny
  3. Remind the little dumplins, the reason they are going to school, is because they don’t know jack!
  4. Stay focused, but, don’t count your chickens before they hatch.
  5. Don’t fret. Your friends will be a sight for sore eyes.Dogwood Trail Maids
  6. Be sure to get all gussied up the first day.
  7. Stay positive, cause, can’t never could.
  8. Down south, it takes about 30 minutes to say, “bye ya’ll!” So, hit the door, lickety split and tell your little princess you love her a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck.
  9. Momma, when you’re plum tuckered out, tuck the crazy back in. 
  10. Nothin’ amounts to a hill o beans, if you don’t teach em to respect their elders.
  11. But, if their teacher begins a sentence with, “Pardon my French,” tell em to run home and tell momma.
  12. Little Jack guilty of talking back? “Don’t get smart with me!” has nothing to do with their grades.
  13. You might be cute as a button now, but you can’t waller with the pigs and not get dirty. Be careful of the company you keep.
  14. You NEVER outgrow “yes, ma’am and no sir.” Yes Ma'am and No Sir
  15. The only elder that should be standing while you’re sitting, is your teacher.
  16. Please and Thank-You are still magic words.
  17. Praise sounds the sweetest on another’s lips, so don’t go round tootin’ your own horn.
  18. Remind the darlin’s that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. In other words, “Y’all be nice, ya hear?”
  19. Don’t be gettin’ your school supplies all cattywampus. Keep em organized in all those “tupperware” bowls you’ve been saving.
  20. You don’t want to be livin’ above yer raisin’, so take a peek at last year’s supplies before you go shopping for new stuff.
  21. If you’re living in high cotton, Carolina Cottonthen take the darlin’s with you when you shop for new supplies. You know you always buy more when you shop with “Pleeez, Momma!”
  22. You can run all over tarnation, like a chicken with it’s head cut off, or you can just pop over yonder to Wally World and get everything in one fell swoop.

And with that, I’ll leave you with this… Winston Churchill said it best:

The most beautiful voice in the world is that of an educated, southern woman.

Listen Carefully

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{ 1 comment… add one }
  • Jenna August 11, 2017, 8:41 am

    Great advice Kim! I especially love “you don’t know Jack!”

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